I decided recently to end a relationship that, to be quite honest, was subpar even on its good days. This is not to say that my heart isn't absolutely destroyed as a result of the experience, it is, but after weeks of agonizing over whether or not I was doing the right thing, a good night's sleep and a few sappy movies have really added a change in perspective that I wasn't quite prepared for, and made my somewhat dramatis personae a little on the embarrassing side.
To give a bit of a run down, let's just put it this way, in North Platte I am somewhat limited in my options for dating. The most recent disaster was several years my junior and while we shared a love of the stage and music, that's where our similarities ended. I have been on my own, in one form or another, for virtually the past sixteen years. He lives at home with his mom, the result of some rather questionable choices over the past two to three years. I have never been longer than a few weeks without suitable employment, he has spent, the better part of the last year working less than even part time. The list goes on and on but I am not here to disparage him, the truth is, in a lot of ways, he was the best relationship I have had in a long time, and I have to be honest, I have a feeling this heart ache will last longer than most. I am not looking forward to the days, weeks and even months that I will wander through life feeling like a total zombie and incapable of holding it all together. Right now, is a good and lucid moment.
One of the things that I find myself most likely to do in times like this is conquering new tasks and goals. I have been actively pursuing the job/career change track and have so far been somewhat unrewarded in that endeavor, however, that doesn't feel like a project taken on for me so much as just a necessary evil since, well, a girl's gotta eat. So then the question becomes what new project should I take on, a project that will hopefully cost little if anything.
When my last relationship ended (prior to the most recent disaster) I took on the rather auspicious task of ridding North Platte of its wine inventory and finding a newer, younger and warmer body to lay next to, which, as you can read from above, didn't work out in my favor at all. This time around I have decided to read.
I loved reading prior to attending law school and my favorite subject matter was dystopian novels. I am not sure why, considering that it was a struggle and a half just to get through Lord of the Flies when I was in high school (a book I have now read no less than a dozen times). I started this goal when the relationship started going south and in the past month I have completed The Road and Never Let Me Go. Both novels were fascinating and required a great deal of patience to get through, if for no other reason than because they were bleak and depressing, which did not do me a lot of service as I sadly cruised through the inevitable demise of an ill advised interaction with the opposite sex.
I perused the internet and came upon several lists of the top ten dystopian novels, many of which I had already read, but several that I had neither read nor heard of. My next task, Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451. I will inevitably post reviews of the two prior reading tasks but look forward to starting a new book this afternoon after leaving here and going to the library to pick it up. I will keep you posted on my progress.